Shaun Kober: And when you said, "I felt like someone was standing on my chest."...
This is the thing with PTSD, anxiety, depression, and things like that. People don't see like a physical disability, so they don't think that there's anything wrong with someone.
If someone's dealing with anxiety, depression, PTSD, it literally feels like a physical burden.
So, in my coaching journey, I completed what's called an NLP course and became a master practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
And something that I took away from that...one of the biggest things was how you speak to yourself. So going right back to the start of this conversation about, you know, here's the conclusion.
And then we start creating these stories to fill in the gaps. Right. And this is where I think we can have an impact on our own lives.
You know, for myself, I went through a little bit of a rough time. Not as bad as a lot of people that transitioned from the military. But, you know, I went through a little bit of a rough time, kind of floated a little bit, lost my tribe, my self identity, my purpose, my direction. And once I started implementing these tools again, that I'd learned...standard operating procedures, like getting out of bed at the same time, making my bed, shaving, you know, going to the gym, looking after myself and building my schedule, man. Like it really allowed me to continue progressing my life in a way that was going to allow me to become, and grow into the person that I wanted to be.
Now, something that was really important through that process, was those stories that I was telling myself. I had to change the story that I was telling myself, you know, and instead of being, this entitled guy, I've been awarded this, I was a highly functioning soldier and blah, blah, blah, blah...and now I'm a civilian again, I'm dealing with everyone else's shit. I'm dealing with these people who, you know, I can't rely upon at work. People that are not showing up on time, and not respectful and not professional, you know, not capable of doing their job, or just barely meeting the minimum standard man.
I had to tell myself a different story, and I had to create a new narrative. I told myself, well maybe they just haven't that same level of training. I've had a higher level of training. I expect higher standards for myself. And that's because, you know, I'm relied upon as part of a team.
So I started changing the narratives that I was telling myself, and speaking to myself different. And I was like, well, instead of that happening to me, that happened for me. All the good things in my life. All the bad things in my life.
What did I learn from that particular situation?
If that situation came up again, what would I fix?
How would I fix it?
What can I improve?
How can I improve it?
What are my sustains?
What did I deal with well in that situation?
All right, cool, sweet. If this situation comes up again, how am I going to deal with it next time? Right. And for me, always reflecting on those decisions, actions, behaviours, circumstances, events that unfolded, made me think about who I wanted to be, and what I was trying to achieve. I love reflecting on all of those events, those crossroads in my life to then go, hey, I learned something from that.
What did I learn from that and how can I apply that in the future?
Then I can start projecting towards walking that path that I want to walk on to become the person that I want to be.
I think that's really fucking powerful...the way that you speak to ourselves. We want to take ourselves from this victim mentality where we go, well, this happened to me. And because it happened to me, that story is like, I have no power in that. I have no control over what happens. Whereas if you go the other way and you take ownership, you take responsibility, you're accountable for those actions.
All right. What did I do to get myself in that situation? Maybe I was being a shit partner. Maybe, you know, I was being a little bit high and mighty. Maybe I wasn't giving giving people a fair chance when, maybe they had something going on in their life and they were rocking up late to work or whatever it might be. And there is power in that mentality. It puts you in the drivers seat of your own life. How can I tell myself a different story that's going to shape my mentality, and drive me towards being a better human, person, partner, coach, son, contributor to society?
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